SHINee fandom - English Speakers

I got this question via ask and since it's so long I thought I'd put my answer here since I think it's a really interesting question.

(1) How do you stay even vaguely involved with i-fans at this point? My impression of kpop/shawol public discussion is relentlessly toxic, and almost always OT1 biased toward one member or another. As someone with a bias who doesn't seem to be too popular w eng-fans, being a j-sha is so much easier.
(2) I've heard more complementary things about my bias' face/voice from nonfans than supposed shawols in this language. I've reached a point where when I see an article, I brace myself for "disgusting", "talentless", "ugly".
(3) I got into Shinee innocently via j-fandom, so maybe my perspective is different. Eng-fans often wonder why there's such a small eng kpop fandom. I think this is a big reason why. This isn't to say that shawols are worse than anyone else, or that shawols are better than anyone else.
(4) It's just to say that hatred alienates people. I like Shinee enough, but if I was eng only and hadn't seen their live, I wouldn't have stayed a fan. That toxicity would have driven me away. It still has, to a degree. I don't if it's a matter of "immaturity" or "disenfranchisement", but it's awful
I'd love to hear your thoughts - how do you stay sane? Me, I'm retreating to the relatively safer j-fandom, where I can stalk for dome tour announcements, and coo over OT5 in the peace of my groupchat. Even if 65% are Taemin biased, at least we keep our fanwars discrete.
(Sorry for the wall of text. I don't mean to say that one fandom is innately better than the other - only to say that my experience with eng kpop fans has been negative, and to know if your experience with the dominant discourse in english has been different. I've met amazing ppl in each fandom!)

So I want to start off by saying that the way I see it there are always going to be good sides and bad sides to any community, whether it's online or offline. In my case I think I went through the 5 stages of grief with fandom. I kept largely out of it until SHINee Why So Serious era I think? Mainly because I saw all the drama going down and just resented what I saw as stupidity and a lot of abusive meanies having at each other. 

Eventually I only really started getting involved when I came to Korea and I'm going to sound crazy when I say this but I really wanted to try and change how our fandom works online. That's why I'm always writing blog posts about fandom issues and trying to explain different things and coming off as a know-it-all knob. I don't think it means a lot to some people, but fandom is something that is literally life-saving, but it also has the potential to be totally destroying. I realize there are people who are totally able to fangirl/boy SHINee without needing to engage in fandom or fandom politics, but I also feel like if you find the right niche in fandom you can meet some of the greatest most unexpected friends of your life. 

So as for why I hang around in English speaking fandom; I have no choice but to really. A lot of my friends in fandom speak English and I guess I could go fluff around in K-fandom and improve my Korean but a lot of that stuff goes down in forums you need to register to with your ID and private group chats etc. They're probably very much like the Japanese side of things and they mostly keep their shit behind closed doors.

The trick I find is to ignore the parts of fandom you don't like. I keep my twitter timeline very carefully pruned and I will see someone's tweets floating around and wait a really long time before following them to suss out whether they're cool or not. Other than that I only follow people I know personally or fansites and bot twitters with updates. Just ignoring the part of fandom you don't like is the best policy, but I guess it helps that I don't have or use tumblr. 

As for people calling SHINee names and saying they're a fan. This kind of hypocrisy goes down so hard in fandom. Like I really do not understand how you can call yourself a SHINee fan and still say some of the things they say about them. That said I made the mistake of getting into it with some really scummy gross supposed SHINee fans via twitter a few years ago and they were some of the most vile, creepy, unhappy little girls I have ever seen online. I really think some of it stems from this part of western society that inherently rejects fangirls. It exists in Korea as well, but basically in my mind fangirling a boy group is problematic for a lot of groups. Fangirling is primarily undertaken by females and traditionally men aren't at all involved like they are in sports or mainstream music. I'm not saying that it's a girl thing and therefore everyone in society disdains it, but I feel like there is a grain of truth in there. In any case, fangirling boy groups has been seen as something young girls do and how often do we hear stories about insane fangirls doing this or that crazy thing whether they be kpop fans or Justin Bieber's. A lot of girls don't want to be seen as a cookie cutter fangirl. I don't really blame them seeing as the amount of times I hear people call fangirls crazy or insane in a day is phenomenal.

I'm a grown ass woman and I don't particularly care what people think of me. I have a good education and opinions and I don't think being a fangirl makes me stupid or insignificant in any way. But there are certainly people who might subconsciously feel pressured not to be seen as a typical fangirl. They don't want to coo and fuss over SHINee sweetly because maybe it threatens their sense of self or they don't want to be seen as a fangirl. I have a childhood friend who is gay and when we were teenagers he used to violently and vehemently deny that he was. He would insult homosexuals, drop any friends who came out, anything to deny that he was gay because he was scared of how he would be perceived by his friends and family. Now I'm in no way saying that being a fangirl is any where near as hard as being a homosexual in our current society, but what I am saying is that it doesn't seem to strange to me that some people might subconsciously lash out, talk shit about SHINee and say abrasive and aggressive things because they don't want to be perceived as a stupid, vapid, silly little fangirl. Maybe that's a bit of a stretch, but the kind of insulting/verbal abuse culture that is really popular in some pockets of fandom certainly grows and builds on itself. And I have no doubt that the main perpetrators for that kind of language are young, insecure teenage girls/young women. They might also diss SHINee and talk crap about them because it's 'cooler' than gushing and saying sweet things.

I also feel like some girls who consider themselves feminists might rail against being type cast as a fangirl since they occupy a traditional female stereotype that we want to reject just by virtue of it boxing you into a space that conforms with society's perspective of women. It's certainly how I felt when I first started becoming interested in boy bands as a teenager attending an all girls high school who considered herself quite the feminist. I think keeping that in mind, it makes it a little easier for me to swallow when I see that really aggressive/abrasive narrative. I have lines that I don't think should be crossed, but I certainly try to be more understanding than I used to be. I also keep in mind that some of the people that say awful things about SHINee say that they're fans but they might not be all that invested. They might be more invested or interested in another group so they're happy to talk smack about SHINee.

I got into SHINee and kpop fandom a long long time ago. I wasn't active until 2013, I was a huge lurker. And I've always found that the really vocal aggressive kpop fans get a lot of attention. I mean of course they do, they're creating controversy and drama and for people who are bored or unhappy or looking for amusement online that's exactly what they want. But in my case, I'm the complete opposite. I don't like controversy or drama in fandom because I know it can affect SHINee. Maybe it's as a result of who I spent time with in fandom, or growing up, or being overprotective or living in Korea, but I'm always acutely aware of the fact that SHINee are human beings and everything said or done to them affects them. They're only young 20-something guys, they have feelings and insecurities as well. So when I see drama and controversy I see how it could affect SHINee and I want it to stop or I want to clear up misunderstandings. Rather than backing away from fandom and letting people walk all over the good people and SHINee, I'd prefer to stand up to nasty rumors and misconceptions and gossip mongering and clear out any lies or bs I see. It's sometimes really shitty work and I get abused for it and called crazy and put down, but I'd much prefer that people feel like they can enjoy SHINee and feel safe and happy and accepted in our online community, than let girls who let their won insecurities and inner demons spill out and hurt other people win.

Ah this all came out like a crazy ramble but I guess what I'm trying to say is that a really amazing fandom exists among English speaking fans, you just need to ignore the stuff that makes you upset at the end of the day. Unfortunately maybe it's the culture that a lot English speakers occupy, but I'm really happy with the corner I've carved out in English speaking fandom. And I want to continue not letting awful people ruin it for all of us. That said, if J fandom feels better to you go for it. I mean I definitely had moments I was more than ready to walk out of SHINee's online fandom and go back to being a hermit. I did for a little while as well. But rather than letting people have their way and caving to trolls and loud mouths I prefer just chugging along and not letting them drive me out ^.^~<3