Taemin Solo Debut Weekend

So I remember saying a few weeks ago that no debut would ever come close to Noona Nomu Yeppeo in terms of how amazing and perfect it was but, even though Taemin's no rookie, as a solo artist his debut is sitting safely nestled with SHINee's in my tiny little heart.


I haven't been blogging for awhile, mainly because SHINee haven't been doing too much, but I figured I should get this out while it's still fresh in my mind. Last weekend was really really intense and wonderful, so bear with me, I won't be offended if you skim read to the good stuff ^.^;; I hope no one gets too annoyed but I wanted to add a lot of personal anecdotes for my own memories sake.

KBS Music Bank - 140815

The Taemin roller coaster started late Wednesday night when mean manager hyung posted the notice on Taemin's official site for Music Bank at midnight (I'm totally joking, I have no idea who's responsible for posting the notices but my friend always jokes that SHINee's manager posts it at midnight through til 3 in the morning sometimes so he can laugh at us). I won't go into details because other people have written really amazing posts about the exact process of getting into a music show but basically it means a lot of checking in and lining up and not sleeping ^.^;;; The thing with Taemin's comeback weekend is that the circumstances all aligned in such a way that we knew the first recording was going to be complete mayhem. Fans were flown in from overseas for SM Town concert, we'd never seen Taemin's choreography or heard the song and this was SHINee's first completely solo side project. It's a huge deal and fans have been fantastic about showing Taemin as much enthusiasm and support as they can. You really can be proud of your fellow SHAWols because Taemin has been feeling the love for the past week or so.

I'll try and write a post about Official vs Non-official SHAWols later for the benefit of anyone who has no idea what that means, but basically if you have an official SHAWol membership you automatically get into recordings before everyone else. Membership was only available to fans in Korea back in 2009? I think that was the year. In any case, when we arrived early Friday morning to begin line up for Taemin's recording, literally hundreds of fans were there. And there were hundreds of JUST Official SHAWols. SM's official fanstaff on location actually said that there were more people there than SHINee's comeback week. I think first check in was at 8:40 in the morning and the official fan staff began giving out numbers at 10 o'clock.

My number was S3-29. S1 goes to official SHAWols who have a copy of SHINee's album on them, S2 is for official SHAWols who don't have the album on them, S3 is for non-official SHAWols with the album and S4 is if you just rock up and have nothing. Because Taem's album isn't out yet, we had to bring a copy of Everybody with us. So basically I was the 29th person in the non-official line. SM staff had announced that they were letting 300 in for the Danger recording and 150 in for the Ace recording. We were honestly worried we wouldn't get in at all. There were that many Official fans on site, we though we wouldn't make it into the 300 allowed in.

Eventually, after hours of waiting there was this explosion of mass confusion as the officials began moving into the studio early. They swapped the recording times and sent 150 official fans in for the Ace recording and told the rest of us that up to S3-30 could come back at 1:30 and maybe go in to see Danger.

To put it in perspective, this was kind of a crazy, busy, nerve wracking day for SHAWols. We were trying to find out what time the recording would be because Friday was actually the same day as SM Town concert. Taemin's recording was set for 3 oclock and there was a huge possibility that the time could be shifted forwards or back. We all had tickets for the concert which was starting at 5 o'clock and if the recording was delayed we'd miss the beginning of the concert. I think most people didnt really care because Taemin's solo debut was 1000 times more important. So we all had to decide whether we wanted to be late and stay or go to the concert. We'd already missed out on buying SHINee merchandise that morning because we were lining up at KBS, which is a small sacrifice really. Unfortantely there was A LOT of confusion and we were told everyone before S3-30 weren't able to get in for DANGER because there wasnt enough room in the studio. Everyone who was cut basically rushed over to the concert venue to try and get SHINee lightsticks and I, being S3-29 was JUST inside the safe zone. JUST.

I'm actually a ginormous idiot because it was only after my friend left KBS that I realized she had my SM Town ticket OTL. And there was also the problem that I needed to pick up tickets for some friends who had bought via my Gmarket account. So it was about 12 oclock and I had an hour and a half to get to the concert venue, collect tickets, find my friends and then bolt back to KBS for Taemin's recording. And I was a total idiot and was wearing a denim jacket. In summer. Because my stupid inner little freak told me I absolutely had to. So I jumped into a taxi, zoomed across Han River, ran through the venue like a mad woman, did my business and then ran back to the taxi stand to go back to the venue. Basically moral of the story is you can never go to a fan event without looking like a complete mess >.< Seriously I spend ages picking out a cool outfit and doing makeup so people dont think SHAWols are total gross slobs, but all my effort is usually ruined ㅠ.ㅠ

We were so so lucky because maybe the fan staff did some quick negotiating with KBS, or Taemin wanted to get out of there quickly and the Danger recording was shifted forward to not long after 2 o'clock. On the day I didn't fan account via Twitter too much because I didn't want to give anything away. At that point in time the MV hadn't been released, and no one had heard the full song or seen the choreography.  It was really important to build as much hype as possible for the big release so I think most people who went to the recording had enough respect for Taemin not to reveal much. This is actually really important for me to say to all International Fans: if we don't fan account something it's honestly not because we want to hide SHINee from anyone, or keep them to ourselves. The only reason I even write fan accounts is because I want an honest representation of SHINee to reach everyone. I make a lot of mistakes and write the wrong thing sometimes so maybe I do a pretty crap job of it, but it's my way of maybe helping SHINee the tiniest littlest eensiest way I can. It's also a kind of promotion I guess? By fan accounting we can generate evem the tiniest amount more interest and love and attention for SHINee. Therefore we shouldn't do anything to jeopordize them like revealing too many details about comebacks. All the girls I know didn't write about the choreography or the outfits because we didn't want to spoil the hype and the excitement for Taemin's debut. Apologies for keeping secrets~

So we were led into the studio and they began handing out the truly gorgeous SHINee coloured Taemin Balloons. You probably saw the photo's on twitter. The fan staff started trying to create an impromptu fan chant on the spot, but not even they had heard the song in it's entirety yet, so it was pretty hard ^.^;;; If you listen to the Musc Bank recording from Friday you can hear the fans screaming DANGER the same time as Taemin - this was on the instruction of the fan staff. Any other parts where you can hear fanchanting was actually impromptu chanting the fans somehow magically co-ordinated on the spot. We literally heard the song twice and on the third recording the SHAWols were instinctively screaming the same parts. Impromptu fan chants guys, that's how awesome SHAWols are. Or maybe how awesome Danger is - it's that accessible.

A fans sole purpose for being in a recording is actually to scream. The very first time I went to a recording back in 2010 for Lucifer I had no idea of this because I was a total noob and an idiot. But the only reason the big studios go to all the trouble of letting fans in is so that they can create the background noise and fan chanting. When I went to see Lucifer back then I remember sitting in the back of the Music Core studio and feeling really confused as to why the fans around me were losing their shit: didn't they want to listen to SHINee? Didn't they want to concentrate on watching them? Why are they screaming so hard their eyes are squinting shut? It's only after I started going to recordings more often that I realized what the deal was. Now whenever I go to recordings I scream fan chants so hard my face probably looks like a gargoyle and my throat wants to bleed. I don't care that I stick out like Key in a soccer stadium as a foreigner, my sole purpose for being in that room is to make SHINee sound like rockstars. We want people watching the show at home to be like: Holy crap these kids are pretty impressive, those girls are going mental o.O

The girl next to me: I don't know if she was just a reverent Taemin fan struck completely silent by his presence or if she was new, but she was totally mute the whole time he was in the room. Which wasn't very helpful to Taemin ^.^;;; So heads up, if you come on over to Korea and are lucky enough to be able to go to a recording, please scream until your lungs explode, because it's super helpful to SHINee. The fanstaff actually warned us at the beginning that we were always too quiet in the recordings and that SHAWols needed to step up their screaming game or less and less of us will be allowed in in the future.

Taemin came out and the entire audience went completely mental. You've all seen the outfit by now but imagine seeing Taemin live for the first time. He just popped into the room, absolutely no warning, white hair floating around him, leather pants, that beautiful white strap around one thigh, and a sparkly black and red jacket. Actually when he did the rehearsal he wasn't wearing the jacket or the scarf. Just the black shirt and leather pants. Which is almost more gorgeous in it's simplicity. He waved a little and was grinning softly, looking really happy and energetic, even though he was probably super tired from concert rehearsals and preparations.

Taemin actually took my breathe away in this recording. There's so much discussion about this innocent, cute magnae Taemin vs. the sexy, dark manly image and what clicked into place in my head is that neither of those things are very representative of who Taemin is. He floated into the room, his gaze was kind of unfocused and soft and he was interacting with the staff and dancers, listening intently when they gave instructions, smiling when needed, concentrating when needed, completely focused on what he needed to do. He was shy at the phenomenally huge response from fans, even after 6 years of that kind of attention, and laughed and clutched onto Hwang Sanghun's shoulder, hiding his smile (SM choreographer and he's the blonde back up dancer who's in the MV and a lot of the recordings). I can't speak for Taemin, but to my eyes he looked content and happy.

When he went on stage though there really is no words for the transformation. He's initially this soft, arresting presence in the room. You can't take your eyes off him, but his aura feels warm and non-intrusive. When he settles into his on stage persona though it's like that soft, warm, welcoming aura becomes something much more inescapable. His gaze sharpens, his face hardens, his aura becomes completely captivating in it's charisma. I know I sound like a lunatic, but it's really hard to put into words how completely phenomenal Lee Taemin is in real life. I mean...he's phenomenal in video as well but... there's a physical presence camera's just can't capture.

In any case one thing I noticed was that Mr. Hwang Sanghun (my friend told me his name because I'm terrible and don't keep track of all the important SM people) was coaching Taemin at the recording and keeping control of all the other dancers. There were something like 9 or 10 dancers at that first KBS recording. He's the same guy who was in Taemin's episode of 4 things. If he has a twitter (???)- ya'll should thank him for his hard work because he seems pretty close with Taemin and was helping him keep a focus on the choreography when Taemin's head was no doubt all over the place trying to keep track of dancing, singing and looking where he was meant to all while performing it for the very first time in front of a truly enormous crowd.

I can't actually remember much from this recording other than screaming until my voice was hoarse. I remember being totally overwhelmed by the choreography and the song itself. By far my favourite part was when SHAWols started chanting LEE TAEMIN LEE TAEMIN LEE TAEMIN over and over again. Taemin's smile could have split his face and it makes me smile even now just to imagine how he must have felt in that moment. Standing on stage, light bouncing off his hair and clothes, an entire studio of fans who truly love him, chanting his name over and over and over with smiles splitting their faces and little opalescent balloons with his name bobbing up and down. He began bouncing and doing a little silly dance.

I do remember being completely entranced during the second run of the song; that white band around his thigh ended up around his ankle because he was dancing so hard ^.^ And his shoes were completely beautiful, I want a pair desperately....I think we're the same shoe size....Taemin give me your shoes ^.^

Once the recording was over, we gathered ourselves and had to rush back to the stadium. I had my Taemint friend by the hand and was dragging another friend behind me to get to a taxi again. It's a wonder we didn't topple down the stairs honestly because we were shaking so much. Furthermore to the poor kindly old man who drove us to World Cup Stadium, I apologize hugely because he had to drive a car full of screaming, squealing hysterical girls through traffic and roadblocks and he still gave us a discount for detouring accidentally. Honestly I would have dumped us on the side of the road once we started sob-singing our favourite parts of Danger at each other.

SM Town Live 2014

World Cup Stadium was the venue and it was actually super humid and sticky. We had a typhoon blow through Korea last weekend so the weather's been kind of cool for summer, but the humidity was back on Friday full force. And I was wearing a denim jacket OTL

After a super intense PC bang/internet cafe ticketing session where I screamed at Ez what to click while a room full of teenage gamers watched us in bemusement, we'd somehow managed to get 4 seats together and we were actually the most bizarre group in the entire stadium. Ez and me are staunch SHAWols and we had our pearl aqua green light sticks, J is a huge Cassie so she had her red and A is an ELF so she was rocking the pearl sapphire blue. We had a pretty equal spread of DBSK, SuJu, SHINee and EXO fans in our section so it was a super interesting night.

I don't think there's too much I can fan account from SM Town at this point, given that most of the fancams are already out. The fans around us probably hated us by the end of the night though. When Key came out with Tiffany I think I absolutely lost my shit. I'm usually not that mental, I promise, but there's something about being in a group of close friends that just makes you let go and have fun with it. Key actually ended up doing to the opposite side of the stage to us and I remember shrieking NO NO NO, but being too happy he was on stage and smiling to actually really care all that much ^.^;;;; I think I mention this in nearly every post I write but dear lord Key's manner hands!!!!!! Every single time I see him with a girl I just about die because he's so gentle and polite with his hands. He never grips or tugs, he cups his hand on their hip or guides with the tips of his fingers. It's so charming and something so small, but isn't body language a language all of it's own?

Minho doing Something was.....really something. No joke, we were all clutching to each other and rolling it was so hysterical. I need to go watch some fan cams because I missed it between laughing and moaning: no no noooooooooooo no over and over. One thing I will say though is they looked totally hideous from where we were sitting. I mean in the close ups where you can see the makeup they all look super pretty and feminine, but from where we were sitting all we could see was broad shoulders, muscled arms and legs and the really awkward way they clomped around in high heels ^.^;;; I loved it so much, and the ensuing freak out on twitter was most amusing.

I will say this though, as cute and lovely as EXO are their fans majorly pissed most people off in the stadium, including me. I mean whenever SuJu, DBSK, SHINee, BoA, SNSD, Red Velvet and f(x) etc. performed they had the entire attention of everyone for the most part but honestly whenever EXO came out it wasn't even worth trying to watch. I literally did not hear EXO's voice once all night over the screaming and I felt like my ear drums were going to explode. EXO did a lot of collaboration stages with different groups and it was actually infuriating that Henry was totally screamed over when Chanyeol appeared during Bad Girl. I could barely hear a note of the sweet little ballad with f(x) and one of the EXO kids. It was also totally horrible that while Zhang Li Yin was singing her heart out, girls were interrupting with high pitched screams whenever Tao would appear in the MV which was playing behind her. And all the screaming over Zhoumi and Victoria's duet when EXO came out in cute suits was kind of heart breaking for me because I love Zhoumi long time OTL. I hope that EXO-L learns to keep the manic screaming to the beginning and end of performances in the future, but given that there were A LOT of middle school aged fans in the stadium who probably usually never get to see EXO, I should try and be more understanding I guess >.>

In any case, SHINee did amazingly at SM Town. Dong Bang Shin Ki and Super Junior are known for being charismatic, arresting performers so I'm always so proud when SHINee come out and rock the stage just as hard as any of their seniors. The response to them was huge and I was so proud to see how big the SHAWol section has grown in comparison to the others. Back in 2010 when I attended SM Town, ELF and Casseiopeia hugely outnumbered SHAWols. This year we were actually a bigger section which is something to be proud of ^.^ Our SHINee World is growing steadily.

I think the highlight of the night for me was Taemin's performance. It was amazing to see SHINee performing again but I really feel so humbled and blessed seeing Ace, Danger and Pretty Boy for the first time. It was so touching and amazing, as ridiculous as that sounds seeing as Taemin was stripping and rocking it out. I think there's no competition about who reacted biggest or was the most affected by Taemin's stage; honestly I feel like every SHAWol in the stadium had a shared mental breakdown. Some of us had already seen Danger or Ace earlier in the day, but seeing all three stages together was completely phenomenal. Actually the whole stadium was nearly completely silent. I'm sure other fandoms were confused out of their minds by Taemin's solo if they hadn't heard about it already. And I'm sure you've all heard that the stadium was pretty scary quiet during Taemin's performance....until he took his shirt off OTL. I can't really put into words what it felt like in that moment. In the face of Taemin's huge stage presence there wasn't anything anyone could do but fall to pieces. I think there's a reason girls fly in from all over the world to be able to go to concerts. Something in the air is so charged when somebody like Taemin takes to the stage.

Actually it's kind of ridiculous. Ace, Danger and Pretty Boy are some of the sexiest things I have ever seen yet half of my brain was going: he's so amazing and hard working and inspirational and admirable and omfg I need to be a better person and study harder and call my parents every day and earn lots of money and improve myself because holy crap Taemin is younger than me and already 20000 times more accomplished than I'll ever be, I need to be better ㅠ.ㅠ ...inspired by Taemin's swishing hips and hair...OTL

As SM Town rolled to a finish we already knew we had to run off to check in for the next event. When the concert finished, Jonghyun had literally just dissapeared off the stage and we were bolting up the stairs and out of the stadium to get to the check in. Had to pay $30 for a 10 minute taxi drive cause the drivers hanging around events late at night suck balls and take advantage. But worth it because we got our name on the waiting list for Taemin's Sunday Inkigayo recording and then dragged our exhausted butts home.

What I forgot to mention earlier is that Taemin had been teasing us in the recording. He said he'd see us tomorrow at Gangnam Station at 7 oclock. We were all like o.O what...really? Hum ok I guess? So me and my friend decided to go check it out because....well Taem god had spoken so we really had no choice. We actually got there just after 6 and as we were pulling in photos of Taemin started coming out. So we ran out of the train and through the busy underground out of exit 11 and literally into a gigantic, enormous crowd. It was completely ridiculous. There was this tiny little stage and Taemin was answering questions from an interviewer with only 3 visible security guards and hundreds of people pushing to get a better look.

This whole situation was hugely irritating. The recording wasn't Guerilla Date, it was apparently a new program. And it was obvious because who takes a popular idol into a busy area on a Saturday afternoon with 3 security guards? Call me over protective, but have a little consideration for everyones safety geeze. Not only had every 300 or so SHAWol from Music Bank known about the recording, but there were probably more random couples and students pushing to see who was there. Security tried to clear a path for Taemin and the mc to walk but as soon as Taemin took a few steps the crowd behind us pushed in and swallowed the path. They had to take Taemin back to the van and try somewhere else. It ended up being the back streets of the same area but we found a cafe and didnt follow. As much as I wanted to support Taemin it actually made me feel really.....upset to see people act that way. I dont think it was Taemins fans who were pushing and shoving. If you see the photos from the back street recording you can see girls forming human barricades and stopping the crowd from getting too close to Taemin. In some way I wish I could do the same, but being an obvious foreigner I feel like me trying to crowd control would just cause more trouble than good ^.^;;; ah sorry Taemin. I'll buy lots of albums instead.

On a side note this kind of SHAWol security isnt uncommon. I remember when Key was doing 3 Musketeers and Minho came to watch, the two of them left the venue together and a fan stood in front of the van door preventing Minho from opening it. Someone quickly grabbed her by her bag and tugged her out of the way because she refused to move and the managers were behind Minho and Key for some reason (Sometimes manager hyungs seem to get complacent because SHAWols usually behave so well. Wish they would pay more attention >.>) Next time Key did the musical his fans had made a human barricade from the theatre to the van. It was pretty freaking awesome. The same girl that had blocked Minho was very carefully maneuvred behind a couple of sturdy looking girls so she couldn't go near Key >.<

Similarly when Key was doing To Heart promos the SHAWols got super careful and strict after Inspirits rushed Woohyun and Key got caught in the crossfire after one of their first recordings.

Watching Taemin for that brief amount of time was really fascinating though. He's so confident and smooth but there's something very humble about him. We might think he's the gods' gift to earth, but he clearly doesn't feel like it. Whenever a fan says something sweet to him or calls him handsome or cool, he has this shy smile that breaks out almost without his permission. It's very charming.

Inkigayo pre rec 140817

Check in for Inkigayo was 4:30 am.

We slept for 3 hours.

Actually I dont think I even slept that long, my brain was too awake and thinking about everything that had happened. We got up at 3 in the morning and since public transport is all asleep at that time caught another taxi to the venue. Imagine how ridiculous this whole sitatuation was though: 200 or more fans lining up on the sidewalk before sunrise on a Sunday morning. We got numbers and were able to move around the area for awhile before lining at 5:30 again. Thankfully SBS were on time so we got to go in right around 7 oclock.

Overall the mood for this recording was pretty low. What I mean by low is that fans were obviously completely ecstatic to see Taemin but tired out of their minds as well. Taemin was also a little sleepy understandably and was 1000% focused on doing what he had to do. The reason the comeback recording is usually super early is because Inkigayo put together these fantastic sets. The set from Sunday morning, as you can all see in the recording, is very Nightmare Before Christmas. It came out really cool in the recording but actually looked a little too...cute when we were just sitting in the studio. The staff were running around with dry ice trying to make it super foggy and creepy, but they seemed to be having a little trouble getting the dry ice to react well ^.^;;;

The studio was full to the brim with Taemin fans and the fan chants and screaming and cheering was really intense, but I can't remember too much other than screaming and being really sleepy and sore. I actually had bleeding sores in my mouth all last week so all the screaming and fan chanting and no sleep made me pretty grumpy whenever Taemin wasnt in my line of sight like a ray of sunshine. What was super cute about this recording was, as if Taemin could sense the low energy, he started creeping around the back of the set and peeping his head out and waving at fans in the standing. It was unbearably cute and really thoughtful of Taemin to play with the fans when he was clearly so tired and concentrated on giving the best performance he can. Generally its really important for them to focus on what they're doing, especially when they're tired and doing the comeback stages. It's not uncommon for them to concentrate entirely on the recording and leave fan service for the beginning and end. Taemin was really a man taking care of all aspects that day ^.^

When the recording was finished with, we were told to return at 3 o'clock to line up for the post recording of Danger. What this means is they'll record next weeks performance after the live show. During the day a small amount of Official fans were able to see Taemin record Ace, but not many unfortunately because the recordngs have to be completed quickly and efficiently for all groups appearing on Inkigayo that day.

After having some time to rest and an opportunity to eat some good food and recover, we came back to line for the post recording. They moved Taemin's Ace van with a big screen playing his MV in front of us and we were all so totally emersed we completely missed Minho driving past and waving at us out the window apparently OTL. Everyone got the notification that Jonghyun had tweeted just as we realized it was SHINee's van going past us. He must have gotten in the car and posted it straight away. Much freaking out from fans and girls being like: Jinkiiiiiiiiiiiii ㅠ.ㅠ

The mood of the post recording was through the roof. It was honestly one of the happiest, liveliest recordings I've ever been to. I was in the middle standing area at the front and it was completely amazing watching Taemin work. We were cheering for the back up dancers and freaking out over Taemin's totally gorgeous hair. He asked us if we liked the style and interacted a lot with fans. Lots of playing around and happy feelings. Taemin must have been pretty tired, but the energy was infectious and he finished flawlessly. The tradition at recordings is that fans always do 2 things: make sure Taemin's eaten and chant LEE TAEMIN over and over at some point. It's always this blast of noise and no matter how tired Taemin gets, he always bursts with energy and comes to life when his name is cheered. At the Inki post recording he honestly looked like he was getting a little teary, but he shook it off and danced around, bouncing up and down and grinning.

The day before a notice had gone up on Taemin's official website announcing that Taemin would hold a fanmeet after the Inkigayo recording. I've been to SHINee fanmeets after recordings and they usually last for about 20 minutes and because they're held on MBC or SBS property after recordings we have to stay really quiet and SHINee only have a tiny portable speaker. I was sort of expecting to sit in the courtyard outside SBS and get crammed into that tiny space and see Taemin briefly before he got rushed off to his next schedule. So it was really surprising when they lined us up and had us start walking down the street to a nearby park. It was about a 15 minute walk away and we crossed the road in sections, according to our entrt number. It was pretty exciting: people were playing Taemin's episode of Running Man on their phone as it aired, laughing and reacting to things he did on screen. There was another idol group already holding a fan meeting at the park, so we made rows behind their fans and waited.

Our fanstaff came through and handed out plastic bags that we could sit on since we'd have to sit on the park floor and a lot of girls were wearing pretty dresses ^.^;;;; Lining up and attending SHINee events can sometimes be a really grumpy, frustrating process regarding all the people around you. SHINee might do as many as 6 music show recordings in one week and for a fan it takes up an entire day to attend. Monday Arirang, Wednesday Music Show Champion, Thursday Mnet Show Champion, Friday Music Bank, Saturday Music Core and Sunday Inkigayo. Not to mention the radio shows, concerts and fansigns. And a lot of us work or study and slot as much promotional activities inbetween as possible. So as I'm writing this post Taemin is in his second week of promotions and there are fans here who havent slept in days. So you can understand the atmosphere outside lining up is a little grim at times. The day of the fan meeting wasn't like that at all. I keep saying this but the mood really was amazing.

When Taemin finally came there was a lot of cheering. You can see all the translations of things that were said but basically we started off where Taemin thanked everyone for coming and giving love to the album, for supporting him. He talked about Jonghyun and SHINee and his debut stages before beginning to take questions from fans. It was really cute watching him because he would point at a fan who had their hand up but there was usually some confusion as to which fan he was choosing so he'd start waving his hands around and gesturing and saying things like: ah the girl in blue or the girl with short hair. He also had trouble hearing a lot of the girls who were further back so he'd pull faces and cup his ear and girls would have to yell the question a few times. A few people in the back complained about not being able to hear him so Taemin struggled with the stand alone speaker for awhile to try and drag it forward because...there was really nothing else he could do ^.^;;;;  A fan also asked Taemin how he was so handsome, like a prince and Taemin looked really surprised and said casually that maybe she didn't know what a real prince looked like. Everytime started pointing at him and saying: he looks like you, like you and he looked behind him, like there was someone standing behind him who we were pointing at. I think secretly he might have been pleased to be a prince instead of a fairy or angel like fans usually call him ^.^;;;

So after a few questions there was some sort of hand signal conversation between Taemin, the managers and the fanstaff and I thought it was time for Taemin to leave. I don't know if anyone was expecting this but suddenly they were asking the front row of fans to stand and form a line to go up and greet Taemin and hold his hands for a moment...I don't think anyone had seen it coming because SHINee doesnt do events like this very often and there was a very sudden frenzied scramble to pass around wet tissues to clean our hands and fix makeup.

I think the mood at this point was mostly just excited. Everyone was just nervous and happy to be greeting Taemin and frantically scrambling for words to say to him. There was lots of shaking hands and wide smiles and a few teary eyes. But the mood was standard for a fanmeeting at this point. Around the third or fourth row of fans that changed though. Unexpectedly, Taemin grasped hands with the fan in front of him, before tipping his head back and blinking rapidly with a small, wavering smile. He stepped back and was visibly trying to supress tears before he just tipped forward and put his face in his hands, smiling but crying.

Anyone who's been a SHINee fan for awhile knows how phenomenal Lee Taemin in tears is. In the entire time since debut there's only been a small handful of times he has ever cried publicly. Jonghyun and Key are SHINee's resident cry babies, Minho and Onew are in touch with their sensitive sides but Taemin very rarely publicly cries. It was like a fist around your heart was just squeezing as they ushered Taemin to the back of the platform, turning his back to the crowd as he held his face in his hands and the managers rubbed his back and gathered tissues for him. Everyone around me burst into tears. Silently so Taemin wouldn't hear, but they all just had tears streaming down their faces, clutching at each other. Me and my friend J were sitting next to each other and clinging to one another, unable to believe what was happening. There was a brief chant from fans; don't cry, don't cry, but the fanstaff asked everyone to just sit quietly and let Taemin collect himself. It was in that moment I think it hit everyone hard how much Taemin had wanted this solo, how hard he had worked, how relieved and happy he was to have SHAWols support in a project that meant so much to him. It felt to me like he was tired, but relieved everything was working out, his hard work was paying off. The girl who had triggered his tears had only said: 수고했어요. You worked hard.

He came back with a big smile and greeted every fan, one by one, sincerely, looking in to their eyes and holding their hands. As we were approaching the stage to go up and greet Taemin, a SM fanstaff was standing at the stairs with a big smile, reminding us to smile and not cry. Smile for Taemin, smile.

When I went up to greet Taemin, Ez was a few people in front of me and J was behind me. We were the first obviously obvious foreigners. Ez is Canadian, J is American and I'm Australian. When Ez went up there were a lot of giggles from everyone watching because Taemin was bowing and a little flustered, but smiling widely. Me and a few Korean girls around us had been coaching Ez on how to say Congratulations in Korean ^.^

When I went up Taemin was a little flustered, maybe a combination of worried about the language barrier and confused when I launched into rapid Korean. I dont remember holding his hands at all, just looking at him and wanting to tell him my message. I guess that's for me and Taem so I wont say, but he kept eye contact, kept smiling and responded by bowing a lot and saying: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

It's time like this I really dislike being a foreigner. I dislike sticking out from the average SHINee fan and making people around me nervous. Korean fans assume I can only speak English and that barrier to communication makes it really hard to make friends sometimes. Not necessarily because everyone's unfriendly or dislikes foreigners, but because that awkward language barrier is very intimidating to most people. I've never been made to feel weird or misplaced by SHINee though. I'm always reminded that I chose well when I became a SHAWol. All evidence points to them being very kind, well adjusted guys.

The fan meeting rapped up very quickly after that. Me and my friend clung at each other, crying and laughing and sharing tissues with people around us. It was like this huge group therapy sesssion. Everyone was teary and tired from the long weekend with little sleep, but more on that in a second. There was a few memorable moments. A girl's knees gave out when she was standing in front of Taemin and he rushed to pull her up before security ushered him away and helped her. She raced from the stage and Taemin watched her leave with a really concerned expression. About 2 girls got to hug Taemin before security was able to stop them. Usually if security don't rip them away immediately it means they asked Taemin if it was ok and he said yes ^.^;;;

At the end we all crowded together to take a group photo behind Taemin and he stood on the stage directing the crowd so everyone was safe and in the shot. Maybe it was because it was dark, but he seemed to have a very concerned expression as he directed people around kekeke. Taemin had the idea to make triangles like Ace out of our lightsticks so you can see a few ACE signs in the photo. Other than that there was a few long moments where Taemin just waved and smiled before he was ushered off to the van and then that was it.

Except that a lot of SHAWols were left clutching to each other and sobbing. I mentioned that it felt like a group therapy session earlier and the only thing I can describe all the crying with is that it felt like that epic moment at Melon Awards when SHINee won Artist of the Year. They must have been so happy but those tears they shed on stage were so miserable and painful looking. I feel like that's what happened to all of us. All our everyday burdens and worries and concerns came crashing down on us in that moment of acknowedgement and joy. As a fan we work really hard. Not as hard as SHINee do but we stay up late, we don't sleep, we line for hours and hours and don't always eat enough. We buy the albums and magazines and merchandise and have a lot of financial worries, and make sacrificies. Not to mention the constant online voting, hashtagging and streaming. And we do it because we make friends through SHINee, seeing them gives us joy and the process and community we find ourselves involved in as fans makes us feel fulfilled as humans. But being a fan, fangirling this hard comes with it's own burdens. It's like being engaged in a one-sided love willingly. And by love I dont necessarily mean a romantic one. Most people are quick to judge fans as well, a lot of us have to hide how neck deep we are in fandom to avoid scorn and dissaproval. And all of that is washed away and made worth it in a moment like at that fan meeting. Taemin, in the presence of his fans, revealed a hint, a smidgen that we as a group mean the tiniest bit to him of what he means to us. And thats all the thanks I'll ever need.

I went to three recordings during Taemin's debut weekend and the thing Taemin said the most: Thank you. Over and over. I heard the word thank you from him all weekend. And honestly that's all I want to say back to him. Thank you Taemin. For an amazing weekend, an amazing debut and being such an amazing inspiration. And for enabling me to meet amazing new people and be apart of a community I enjoy so much. I feel like Taemin and SHINee will never understand how many people they helped climb out of very dark places in their life. So I'll always think of them with a thankful heart.

I'll be editing this post as I am able to use a computer again, but this is it for now. Tell me what you thought of Taemin's new songs/album/dance/concept and leave any questions or comments down below~ I'm sorry this post was so long and sappy I just...have a lot of feelings ㅠ.ㅠ

♡Min